Part I - How it all started...
Feb. 4 - Feb. 24, 2005
On Friday, February 4th, some friends and I decided to go out for dinner after work before our concession stand duty began at our high school’s basketball game. I remember saying as we got out of the car at the restaurant, “I feel funny, like I’m having de ja vu ,” I felt as if I was light-headed or maybe standing back watching everything. The rest of the night I just felt different, I can’t put my finger on it, just different. I was quiet and everything seemed surreal. I didn’t feel like I was there, but watching them have dinner. When we got to the basketball game, I felt the same—as if I was just standing back watching everything. I just didn’t feel right.
Saturday morning (Feb. 5, 2005) I woke up a little late—I felt tired and very dizzy. My sinuses felt a little full, but no stuffy nose. I could barely walk I was so dizzy. I had never had vertigo before, so it took me a while to realize that was what I was experiencing. I didn’t want to eat anything, but around lunch time I was feeling quite hungry. I made some chicken broth and crackers. Within the hour I was throwing up—I felt horrible. Once it was out of my system, I didn’t eat for the rest of the day, nor could I drink even water. That night I got really hungry again, though. So, I tried some noodles—big mistake. I started throwing up again. Around ten that night I started to go to bed, but as soon as I closed my eyes, it was as if my vertigo was multiplied by a thousand—it was as if someone was shaking me violently. I ran to the bathroom and barely made it before I started throwing up again. I couldn’t stop this time, and around midnight my husband went out to get me some Pepto-Bismol and whatever else he could find to help with nausea. I couldn’t hold any of that down either, and continued throwing up until about 2 a.m. when I finally passed out on the couch with a garbage can beside me.
The next day (Sun., Feb. 6) I woke up with the vertigo and nausea, but my right ear felt funny, too. It felt “full” and the sounds were funny in it. I couldn’t drive because of the vertigo, and we didn’t want to take the whole family to the doctor, so my mother came over and took me to the urgent care center in town. The Physicians Assistant looked at me, laughed, and said, “You’re a walking diagnosis!” She thought the same thing I did—an inner ear infection. She gave me antibiotics, phenergen for the nausea, and allegra for my sinuses. I was still nursing my four month old son, so I didn’t really want to take a decongestant. I asked her how long it may be before my vertigo subsided, because I was in no condition to drive myself to work or my kids to daycare. She said I would probably need to take off the next few days at least. That afternoon when my mother took me to get my prescriptions filled, she was walking on my right side and I told her she sounded as if she was breathing helium. I thought it was funny at the time.
On Monday (Feb. 7) the nausea was gone, but I was still pretty dizzy. By the time my husband got home from work, I remember saying to him, “I don’t think I can hear out of my right ear.” I thought it was odd, it didn’t really hurt, but when I would scratch my ear or run my finger on the inside of it, I couldn’t hear even that. I thought, well, I guess this is just what having an inner ear infection is all about—I’ve heard people say that they can’t even hear with this sometimes.
On Tuesday (Feb. 8) I decided to try to return to work. I was really upset that I had missed Monday. I had used all of my sick leave, annual leave, and personal leave while I was on Maternity Leave. I knew any other days were going to be unpaid, and we couldn’t afford that with two kids now in childcare. I didn’t even get halfway to work before I realized that I needed to turn around—I was going to wreck. The vertigo just wasn’t getting better. Reluctantly I called in again. Wednesday, I drove to work, very carefully, but when I got there, all the activity was more than I could bare. All those teenagers running around, I was going to fall—there was no doubt in my mind. So, I asked for a substitute again, and told them to go ahead and get me one for Thursday also—I knew rest was what I needed. Friday, I was back at work. I couldn’t hear out of my right ear, and was definitely not at my best, but I couldn’t just keep missing work. I stayed seated as often as I could to keep from falling. Boy, was I glad when that day was over.
The following week (week of Mon., Feb. 14) I went back in to work every day, still dizzy, but I felt as long as I took things slow I wouldn’t wreck or fall down. After two weeks passed , however, with no hearing in my right ear still, I decided it was time to go back to the doctor. I went back to the urgent care center and they maintained it was still an inner ear infection. The gave me a new round of antibiotics, Zyrtec, and irrigated both ears. The next day, Sunday, I went to get groceries, and when I got home, the vertigo came back with a vengeance. I was up half the night throwing up again, but went into work on Monday, Feb. 21, because it was a teacher workday and report cards were getting ready to go out. I got my grades finished, made up some work for a substitute—just in case—and went home early. I went back to the doctor, and this time they told me I was just going to have to quit nursing my son—the medicine that was going to help me get better could be passed to my breast milk. The doctor told me if I didn’t start improving in a few days or got worse and stayed worse for 24 hours that I needed to come back.
Tuesday (Feb. 22) I called in sick again, and noticed when I called in that I was having trouble, now, hearing from my left ear. I couldn’t tell who I was talking to on the phone and I felt absolutely exhausted. I was running out of work to give to substitutes and all I wanted to do was sleep.
I tried to go to work Wednesday—my husband had to drive me. Luckily I had a very understanding principal—he took one look at me and told me to go home and not come back until Monday. I felt like such a fraud, like the most undependable member of our entire faculty. A friend had to drive me home. By Wednesday night, I couldn’t make out what my husband or anyone else was saying to me. I talked on the phone a few times that day, but it got to where I couldn’t even hear it ring. Thursday (Feb. 24) morning when I woke up, my hearing was completely gone.
My mother said she would come get me and take me back to the doctor. Finally, I was referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist and luckily got an appointment that day. The lady who referred me said, these guys are good –they have ways of relieving the pressure she’s feeling in her head. So, I was thinking, worse case scenario: I was going to have a huge needle stuck in my ear and fluid drained out. Man, what could be worse?
I got to the specialist that afternoon, and the first person I saw was the audiologist. She did a hearing test and said as far as she could tell, I was hearing nothing at all. When I saw the doctor, he didn’t even really check me out too much. I couldn’t tell what he was saying, so I was trying to read my mom’s expressions and his. I noticed her neck getting a little splotchy and her eyes getting red, then she started writing down places to have MRI’s done and names of good neurologists. I felt a little sick and interrupted and said, “Wait. Could….is this….could this be permanent?” This time I could read the doctors lips, “Possibly, yes.” I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, like I couldn’t breathe. I kept trying to tell myself that this wasn’t possible. I couldn’t confront what it meant. I couldn’t begin to take in what was happening. This was the last thing I had ever expected to hear from him.
Home Journals: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9