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Two days after surgery.... |
One year later, I'm in green with my friend Angi |
Part V - Surgery and Post-Op
April 7, - April 14, 2005
Surgery day had finally arrived, and I was trying not to think about it too much. I was dreading getting an I.V. more than anything.
We had brought my daughter Anna along - I knew she was having trouble with all of my overnight visits to Chapel Hill, and since my parents were coming with us I knew they would be able to help.
When we arrived at the hospital and checked in, it all happened fairly quickly. I was called back for my pre-op "stuff" - a physical, signing some papers, getting my I.V. and my nice gown that opened up in the back. When they called me back for pre-op, I didn't know what was going on, and just went with the nurse - I didn't tell anyone bye or hug my daughter, just got up and followed my husband out of the room. When I got to my little cubicle, I realized that I wasn't going back, and started missing my parents and daughter. For them, it was a long wait, but for me, it was really over fairly quick.
The nurse who was going to be with me during surgery was so nice, and seemed like she was probably a pretty funny lady (there were so many people I met at this hospital that I wish I could have heard speak - they seemed like the most caring and fun group of people). The anesthesiologist and everyone else I met were also wonderful. The I.V. actually wasn't too bad - I was numbed first, so I did ok. When I was wheeled back to the operating room I vaguely remember getting on the operating table and then having an oxygen mask put on my face. Since I couldn't hear anything going on around me, I started thinking to myself, "Ok, if I remember correctly, usually when they are trying to put you to sleep before surgery they tell you to do something like count backwards from ten or a hundred or something like that." But, I was a math teacher - counting was below me (I'm such a geek). I started saying the Greek alphabet, and when I was finished and still awake, I needed something else - so I started reciting pi in my head as far as I could. It must have worked because all of a sudden I was awake in recovery and my surgery was over. My husband was either with me or on his way to me - can't remember. My surgeon came to me and gave me a thumbs up, telling me that it went great and he was able to insert the implant completely. I was thrilled! Either he or my husband was telling me next that all electrodes were tested before the incision was closed and were functioning perfectly. I don't think I have ever been so happy.
I was released that evening without having to stay overnight at the hospital - what a relief. I went on back to the hotel room and my mom brought me some microwavable soup. I was so tired, and I actually slept for about three hours before I woke up and tried to eat something. The soup was delicious, it was the first thing I had all day. The next day I ate a huge breakfast (if that is possible at a continental breakfast in a hotel!) and we stopped at Cracker Barrell for lunch. I devoured my pinto beans and turnip greens. I got a little nervous during lunch because my nose started bleeding suddenly, but my husband said it was probably from my sinuses being dried out from the breathing tube and it stopped quickly. We stopped in Asheville, a couple of hours from home to pick up our little Ben from my husband's parents - I had missed him so much. By the time we finally got home, I felt like I could sleep for a week.
The wait for my first post-op visit was only a week - barely enough time to do any worrying or try to unpack then pack again. I think I over did things that first day; I was feeling pretty well and this fooled me into thinking I could do a lot more than I should. The second day after surgery I woke up with a swollen eye, cheek, and head. I felt absolutely terrible and could barely eat anything because my jaw hurt so bad. The next day my eye was almost swollen shut, and I felt miserable. I was in a lot of pain, and ended up taking almost the entire bottle of my prescription pain medication - I had never done this before, usually I could deal with pain. My surgeon had told my husband to expect it because there was so much damaged tissue that had to be removed during surgery.
Two days after surgery....
One year later, I'm in green with my friend Angi
He had also evidently told my husband after he completed my surgery that we probably shouldn't bother with the appeal for the right ear. He said that the left ear was a difficult surgery, and by the looks of it along with the M.R.I., he now had a better idea of the consistency of the tissue that he would find in my right ear - and he just didn't feel that it could be saved. I was okay with this; just having one ear done was better than being deaf the rest of my life. I know there are worse things than being deaf, but it wasn't something I was ready to accept - one implant was fine.
When we got back to Chapel Hill the following Thursday, I first met with Dr. Buchman and Dr. Basin. They said the incision was healing fine, everything I was complaining of and asking about was normal - no worries. Then Dr. Buchman asked me if I was ready to hear some beeps - I was so excited! He took me to Carol, and she put the processor on my ear and almost instantly I was hearing the beeps she was sending me. I was overjoyed - this was going to work! Then, out of nowhere, I heard what sounded like a cheap microphone being turned on - kind of like "white noise" all around me, and I heard something else but couldn't figure out what it was for the first few seconds. Suddenly, I heard "...it's fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go..." I started repeating what she was saying and watching her lips - I noticed that what she was saying was about a second behind what I was reading from her lips. She said, "that's normal," and continued reciting the nursery rhyme. I was listening, and it seemed that suddenly her voice caught up to her lips, and everything made sense. I tried to talk with my husband for a minute, and heard him say "I love you" and the rest was inaudible - but for some reason, it didn't matter - this was going to work!! She went ahead and turned the processor off, and it was funny because it was almost a relief - all of the noise was a bit overwhelming. She spoke with Dr. Buchman in the hall for a few minutes, and then set up an appointment for the following week for me to come in, have a bit of MAPping done, and keep the processor. What a day - I was absolutely thrilled.
But, being honest with myself, although I was thrilled I was also very much let down. I had heard people say over and over - this is not the same as normal hearing. I don't know what I thought they meant by that, but I have to admit I was crushed at the same time. I finally understood how different my life was going to be. I knew that the sounds would get better, but how much better? I had so many questions, and knowing that everyone's experience with a cochlear implant is different, I didn't know who could answer those questions. For the next week, all I could think about was the fact that I may never really know what Ben sounds like. Yes, thank God I would be able to understand my children, but I wanted so bad to have the reassurance that I would know their voices, really know them.
Home Journals: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
